Austin's Blog

God loved us so much that he gave us 366 days with our precious Gabriel. We called Gabe our miracle baby because we did not think it was possible for us to conceive. God had given us Addie through adoption. When we found out we were pregnant with Gabe, we were overjoyed. Valerie came to me with tears in her eyes after the last day of school. We shared our joy that weekend on a camping trip with Ma’mom and Pa’Pop. From start to finish, this has been one of the sweetest years of our lives. Gabey Baby, as Addie named him, was so easy to love. He was always smiling, laughing, jibbering and jabbering. From the beginning, he was curious and wanted to get into everything. He was all boy. He loved solving little problems, putting blocks into holes and cups into bigger cups. If he could get his hands on it, he played with it. Oftentimes, despite having things bought from Amazon or Target, empty plastic bottles and boxes were his favorite toys. The world with all its sights, sounds, smells, tastes, and feels enthralled him. He loved life. He loved going on walks around the community in his red wagon his granny bought him. He would spot an animal way before you knew there was something even around you. Every color caught his eye. Every noise created a smile. His eyes would get so big when he saw something new that he enjoyed. He loved the worship music at church and was sing and clap in the back.

Gabe was a snuggler, always wanting to be held by his Momma. He adored his Momma. It is no secret that he was a Momma’s boy and I was ok with that. The love, happiness, and delight in his eyes each time he was with his mother could melt the sun. He felt safe with her. He knew without a shadow of a doubt that he was loved by his Momma and his Daddy. He seemed to always be grabbing his Momma’s hair and planting those big ol’e juicy open mouth kisses on our cheeks. There was nothing in the world like a Gabe kiss. Gabe-a-Rooney loved to play with his big sister. They enjoyed hours of playing in each other’s rooms. He loved specially to play with Addie at her kitchenette. She would tickle him, sing to him, and always want to hold him. We often told her she was being too rough with him but he would giggle and smile even in those moments. They would wrestle together. He loved it and he loved her. When we brought him home from the hospital, my sister, Aunt Yell as she is called, had the wisdom enough to buy Addie a cabbage patch doll and write a letter from Gabe. She spent those first few days profusely thanking Gabe for buying her that doll right when he came into the world. She did not ever appear to be jealous of him. She was just proud to be his sister. She said she was excited to take baths with him and sleep with him when he first came home. She is such a good big sister. Though he was the littlest among them, he fit right in with his cousins. They would run all over Ma’Mom and Pa’Pop’s house and he would crawl behind them until he caught up with them. Little James especially loved Baby Gabe and wanted to sit and hold him often.

I want to say publicly before each of you and God above—Valerie Dawn DeArmond was—no is—the best mom in the world to our two beautiful children. I saw so much tenderness, care, and devotion this past year by watching her love Gabriel well. I witnessed tireless, sleepless nights, countless activities and fun outings, and untold and unseen sacrifices. Only Heaven will reveal to you the things I’ve seen this past year through my beloved Valerie. Even on the last night before he went into the hospital, Gabe was beginning to get sick with his cold. He just couldn’t go to sleep. Valerie held him for hours. She sang over him. Prayed over him. She read him books. He kept pointing to the books when she would finish one and she would break out another. She snuggled and loved on him so much that last night before the hospital. What a special gift from God that evening was! I’ve seen her singing “God is so good” into his little ears as he slipped into sleep most nights and even at the end of his short life. I have seen the very loving heart of God this year watching Valerie love our sweet boy.

What comforts us right now? First, we have experienced, felt, and treasured the presence of the risen Christ this week. At each moment, Jesus Christ was with us in the room. We were never alone. It brings us tremendous joy knowing that Gabriel is with the one person who loves him more than his parents. Our God is not an abandoning God. Brothers and sisters, though this is a bitter providence, this is not a punishment. Romans 8:1 says, “Therefore there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.” God ordains what He hates to bring about what He loves. God appoints what He hates to bring to Himself who He loves. He has not stopped loving us. He loved us when we were in the ICU hospital room. Second, I’m also comforted today by the fact that my boy was so very close to walking & taking his first steps. He took his very first steps into heaven itself. We had just got back from a cruise and one of the highlights of the cruise was a Dr. Seuss parade where all the kids were given noise makers and instruments. They did a parade from one end of the ship to the front of the ship. Gabe was the caboose and was given a tambourine. And he played that tambourine from the back of the ship to the front of the ship. When all those old folks saw Gabe bring up the rear of the parade playing that tambourine with all his joyful might, they lost it. They gasped and squealed in delight, clapped, and cheered for him. Of course, this made him all the happier because he thought the parade was for him. Imagine the moment when he walked into heaven holding the hand of Christ and the parade was for him! Third, the body of Christ immediately flew to our side as our family made their way here in record time. Most of you don’t know, but I had a surgery last Tuesday and was coming off general anesthesia when Valerie called me. It was the one day out of my thirty-two years that I could not carry him through the doors of the hospital myself. Yet, the people of God swiftly jumped into action. Others carried him as their own. Others, along with our family and Lord, carried us. We are standing here today because of the strength God provides and the prayers of his people. People all over the globe were praying for Gabriel and us. What a gift to us!

This is a deep and cavernous fountain of sorrow. One that we will drink from against our wills for the rest of our lives. But, brothers and sisters, there is another fountain in the midst of this sorrow. “There is a fountain filled with blood/ Drawn from Immanuel’s veins/And sinners, plunged beneath that flood/ Lose all their guilty stains!” We are grieving but we are not grieving as those without hope. We will see Gabriel Austin DeArmond again because our sins have been forgiven by God because of the life, death, and resurrection of Jesus Christ. We could trust letting our son go because the One who lovingly took him knows what it is like to lose a Son. We could trust giving our son to Jesus because He knows what it is like to die and rise again. We could trust giving our son to Jesus because He is the resurrection and the life. We could trust giving our son to Jesus because in Him, God knows what it means to weep over the loss of someone dear to us. As my old mentor Dr. Gary Greene asked once, “What is more profound—having a God who can raise the dead or having a God who will weep with you in your pain?” We are just so grateful. Dietrich Bonhoeffer said, “…the more beautiful and full the remembrances, the more difficult the separation. But gratitude transforms the torment of memory into silent joy. One bears what was lovely in the past not as a thorn but as a precious gift deep within, a hidden treasure of which one can always be certain.” God loved us so much He gave us the honor, the gift, and the privilege of those 366 days with sweet Gabriel Austin DeArmond.