Austin's Blog

“…sorrowful yet always rejoicing…”

I spent the past week in the Amazon jungle in Peru training pastors. I was worried before going that I wouldn’t be able to push through the grief and serve them well. Grief, unfortunately, appears so egotistical. You think so often about what you have lost and your experience of empty arms, erased opportunities, and the feeling of “missing out.” Yet, I found such an interesting dichotomy this week. There was an immense and intense sense of grief. I woke up some nights with pain and arose in sorrow. The wound was always with me. But, I also experienced joy in the midst of such loss preaching, teaching, and serving those wonderful men of God, those pastors. The joy and the grief existed simultaneously alongside one another. I thought beforehand, “How can I go on?” The answer is the joy of the Lord is my strength. The pastors were very touched by Gabe’s little life and death. I did not hide it. How could I? After sharing with them that first night, a few of them embraced me with tears in their eyes afterward. They spoke things in Spanish when embracing me that I couldn’t understand. But, I understood.

How do I go on? “…sorrowful yet always rejoicing…”

There will come a day when the sorrow itself will be transformed into inexpressible joy. C.H. Spurgeon writes, “Your sorrow itself shall be turned into joy. Not the sorrow to be taken away, and joy to be put in its place, but the very sorrow which now grieves you shall be turned into joy. God not only takes away the bitterness and gives sweetness in its place, but turns the bitterness into sweetness itself. “

Until then, they exist wedded together.