Austin's Blog

Is there no music to match the state of my heart? I’ve discovered there is simply no good music that is focused on the death of your child. I think losing your precious baby is such a horrid experience that human beings cannot adequately put God’s gift of music to describe such a reality. There’s no “good” music because this is the furthest reality from good. All attempts are glib, sentimental, and empty. People have tried but so much of it simply falls flat. Christian philosopher Nicholas Wolterstorff says in Lament for a Son, “I tried music. But why is this music all so affirmative? Has it always been like that? Perhaps a requiem, that glorious German Requiem of Brahams. I have to turn it off. There’s too little brokenness in it. Is there no music that speaks of our terrible brokenness? That’s not what I mean. I mean: is there no music that fits our brokenness? The music that speaks about brokenness is not itself broken. Is there no broken music?”

A part of why I cannot find any satisfaction in music about child loss is I think my aim is wrong. I am simply seeking comfort, a catharsis. I’m seeking a creative outlet that will soothe. The problem is this can so often be nothing more than chasing a feeling. What do I need most? Truth. I need reality, not an escape from it. And seeking and finding the truth will actually bring the much-desired comfort in the end. C.S. Lewis writes, “In religion, as in war and everything else, comfort is the one thing you cannot get by looking for it. If you look for truth, you may find comfort in the end: if you look for comfort you will not get either comfort or truth — only soft soap and wishful thinking to begin with and, in the end, despair.”

The only music that has offered consolation, comfort, and strength is worship music. This makes total sense. Death is a deeply theological reality. Anyone who says death is a mere natural process is a liar or ignorant of what death is and what it means. D.A. Carson writes, “Although death remains an enemy, an outrage, a sign of judgment, a reminder of sin, and a formidable opponent, it is, from another perspective, the portal through which we pass to consummated life. We pass through death, and death dies.” Music that shies away from these realities ultimately then cannot give me what I’m looking for.

Here are some lyrics that have brought a measure of comfort to me as I’ve grieved.

From “Christ is Mine Forevermore”

Mine are tears in times of sorrow
Darkness not yet understood
Through the valley I must travel
Where I see no earthly good
But mine is peace that flows from Heaven
And the strength in times of need
I know my pain will not be wasted
Christ completes his work in me

From “Lord from Sorrows Deep I Call”

Should my life be torn from me
Every worldly pleasure
When all I possess is grief
God, be then my treasure
Be my vision in the night
Be my hope and refuge
‘Til my faith is turned to sight
Lord, my heart will praise You

From “Yet Not I But Through Christ in Me”

The night is dark but I am not forsaken
For by my side, the Saviour He will stay
I labour on in weakness and rejoicing
For in my need, His power is displayed
To this I hold, my Shepherd will defend me
Through the deepest valley He will lead
Oh the night has been won, and I shall overcome
Yet not I, but through Christ in me

From “When We See You”

All the waiting will be over
Every sorrow will be healed
All the dreams it seemed
Could never be will all be real
And You’ll gather us together
In Your arms of endless grace
As Your Bride forever when we see Your face
We will see, we will know
Like we’ve never known before
We’ll be found, we’ll be home
We’ll be Yours forevermore

From “O Lord My Rock and My Redeemer”

O Lord, my Rock and my Redeemer
Strong defender of my weary heart
My sword to fight the cruel deceiver
And my shield against his hateful darts
My song, when enemies surround me
My hope, when tides of sorrow rise
My joy, when trials are abounding
Your faithfulness, my refuge in the night

From “Sovereign Over Us”

You are wisdom unimagined
Who could understand your ways
Reigning high above the heavens
Reaching down in endless grace
You’re the lifter of the lowly
Compassionate and kind
You surround and you uphold me
And your promises are my delight

From “All Our Tomorrows”

When winter makes us reminisce
Of warmer days so distant now
Of cherished saints the sun once kissed
Whose beauty passed behind the clouds
Let all our fond and longing tears
Remind us we are pilgrims here
We trust You, Sovereign of our years
With all of our tomorrows