Austin's Blog

We are at the helm of the holiday season, one that has been baptized in sadness and sorrow. What can we be thankful for after child loss? How can you express gratitude as you’re climbing out of the crater left behind from losing your precious son or daughter? First, one thing that is important to note is gratitude isn’t just a feeling—it is a movement and an act of the will ever before it is a feeling. We don’t have to feel grateful before we express gratitude. We are commanded to give thanks. 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18 says, “Rejoice always, pray without ceasing, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you.” We have found ourselves surprisingly grateful at times over this past year and we know such an experience is evidence that the Lord is at work.

Puritan Thomas Watson writes, “To be thankful in affliction — is a work peculiar to a saint. Every bird can sing in spring — but few birds will sing in the dead of winter! Everyone, almost, can be thankful in prosperity — but a true saint can be thankful in adversity! Well may we, in the worst that befalls us — have a psalm of thankfulness, because God works all things for our good. Oh, be much in giving thanks to God!”

Second, the most important thing is not that my child died but that he lived. He truly and really lived. He left his indelible mark on the very contours of our lives and we are different now because of him. We are better because of him. We can rejoice over his laughter and smile. We can rejoice over how much of a blessing he was to every single person he encountered. We can rejoice over how much of a wonderful little brother he was to Addison and how much of a wonderful big sister she was to him. We can rejoice over the fact that he always gave open-mouth kisses, snuggled for untold hours, expressed exuberance and curiosity over anything and everything that caught his eye, and how his little life impacted so many. We can rejoice over the fact that he had friends who loved him, church members who loved him, family members who loved him, strangers who loved him, a momma, daddy, and sister who loved him, and a God who loves him. He didn’t have to be. He was and is though. For that, I am thankful.

Third, I can express gratitude for all that God did through Gabriel and all that He has done since taking our sweet son to His side. That defining and deafening tragedy in January did not surprise God. He is not simply catching up. He does not suffer history—he turns it however He wills. These ashes are not for nothing and the good flowing out of it matters. It matters for our trust and ongoing healing.

John Piper writes, “The deepest need that you and I have in weakness and adversity is not quick relief, but the well-grounded confidence that what is happening to us is part of the greatest purpose of God in the universe–the glorification of the grace and power of his Son–the grace and power that bore him to the cross and kept him there until the work of love was done.” God’s work of love didn’t stop when my son died and it hasn’t ceased since then either. We’ve learned so much, gained so much, and felt so much since much was taken. This is a thorn for sure. Yet, God uses the thorn just as much as the bud.

“The Thorn” by Martha Snell Nicholson

I stood a mendicant of God before His royal throne

And begged him for one priceless gift, which I could call my own.

I took the gift from out His hand, but as I would depart

I cried, “But Lord this is a thorn and it has pierced my heart.

This is a strange, a hurtful gift, which Thou hast given me.”

He said, “My child, I give good gifts and gave My best to thee.”

I took it home and though at first the cruel thorn hurt sore,

As long years passed, I learned at last to love it more and more.

I learned He never gives a thorn without this added grace,

He takes the thorn to pin aside the veil which hides His face.