Austin's Blog

In C.S. Lewis’ A Great Divorce, there are two women who have always stood out to me. In chapter 11, a bereaved mom named Pam is introduced and the dialogue is tragic. Her son Michael died while he was young and it becomes clear that the grief, pain, and loss caused Pam’s life to cave in on itself. She can’t move forward from the loss and only wants God as a means to her son. She says at one point, “If [God] loved me, He’d let me see my boy. If He loved me, why did He take away Michael from me? I wasn’t going to say anything about that. But it’s pretty hard to forgive, you know.” Lewis goes on to describe how Pam lived so much in the past and never moved through her pain that it irrevocably destroyed her marriage and family, leaving her husband and other children worse off than even before Michael’s death. Pam ends her discussion with a visceral scream of, “…Give me my boy. Do you hear? I don’t care about all your rules and regulations. I don’t believe in a God who keeps mother and son apart. I believe in a God of Love. No one has a right to come between me and my son. Not even God. Tell Him that to His face. I want my boy, and I mean to have him. He is mine, do you understand? Mine, mine, mine, for ever and ever.” The story about her ends before we find out what happens. What is clear though is the loss was so profound that her soul shriveled up, causing a bitterness and despondency to grow in her life. It destroyed everything. Her response to the loss of her son caused her to lose herself in the worst of ways.

C.S. Lewis then has another woman he introduces in chapter 12 named Sarah Smith. When she gets close, her radiance, brilliance, and nobility shine through to everyone around her. She was an ordinary woman on earth who possessed a simple yet profound trust in the Lord. Angels surround her. Every young man and boy was so loved that they became her sons. Every young woman and girl were so loved they became her daughters. Men became better husbands to their wives because of her. Lewis even says about her that, “Every beast and bird that came near her had its place in her love. In her they became themselves. And now the abundance of life she has in Christ from the Father flows into them.”

She is described as a woman of beauty who made others beautiful through her love on earth. Lewis goes as far as to say, “It is like when you throw a stone into a pool, and the concentric waves spread out further and further. Who knows where it will end? Redeemed humanity is still young, it has hardly come to its full strength. But already there is joy enough in the little finger of a great saint such as yonder lady to waken all the dead things of the universe into life.” If you looked at her earthly life, she was no one of particular importance but her quiet trust in the Lord and love for others rippled and echoed into eternity and she was more resplendent because of it. People were better because of her love. 

Why highlight these two women? I cannot read about them without thinking of my wife, Valerie DeArmond. Though you might expect her to be like Pam in chapter 11, she is the epitome and mirror image of Sarah Smith in chapter 12. This has been the most difficult year of our lives and some of the deepest pain I’ve known is watching Addison and Valerie hurt like they do. Yet, Valerie is more stunning today than she was eight years ago when I married her. The measure of Gabe’s worth and the greatness of his loss have been written on her face, and she is the more beautiful for it. Her beauty is no accident—I’ve watched her lean on the Lord this year in ways that can only be testament to the strength God provides. Elisabeth Kübler-Ross writes, “The most beautiful people we have known are those who have known defeat, known suffering, known struggle, known loss, and have found their way out of the depths. These persons have an appreciation, a sensitivity, and an understanding of life that fills them with compassion, gentleness, and a deep loving concern. Beautiful people do not just happen.”

I’ve watched Valerie hold countless babies within our church, loving them with the same love she had for her son. I’ve watched Valerie serve others in the children’s ministry, nursery, or cleaning rotation in our church. I’ve watched Valerie carve out time to do Bible studies with ladies in our church, take older church members to countless doctor’s appointments and other errands, and do anything and everything that is asked of her to help and serve others without grumbling. I’ve watched her parent Addison through her own grief and go out of her way to connect with other grieving people within our sphere of influence. I’ve watched her soul not shrivel but grow as a result of the catastrophic loss of our sweet Gabriel. I’ve watched and marveled over the supreme worth of God being treasured and magnified in and through her life this year. John Piper writes, “Being satisfied in God (or anything) always seems easier when all is going well. But when things you love are being stripped out of your hands, then the test is real. If God remains precious in those moments, then his supreme worth shines more brightly. He is most glorified.” He has been most glorified through her this year. What an immense privilege to have witnessed such a movement of God within my midst. I am a better man for it.