Austin's Blog

Forgiveness isn’t at odds with justice. In fact, to pursue justice correctly without it devolving into petty revenge-seeking, you must forgive first. Forgiveness does not mean people don’t face earthly and natural consequences. To forgive requires love and love often must pursue justice. It is a moral imperative if possible. Forgiveness and justice-seeking don’t need to be reconciled because they’re not at odds with one another.

Forgiveness shouldn’t lead to you becoming a doormat. Forgiveness is viewed as weakness by the world but courage and strength in the eyes of God. Nevertheless, forgiving someone does not mean you become an enabler or allow them to wallow in their sinfulness and error. Sam Storms writes, “The fact that you establish rules to govern how and to what extent you interact with this person in the future does not mean you have failed to sincerely and truly forgive them. True love never aids and abets the sin of another.”

Forgiveness isn’t possible apart from supernatural grace. From start to finish, to forgive as Christ forgave you requires the same grace it took for Christ to forgive you. It takes the empowering presence of God to forgive people who made mistakes or sinned against you.

Forgiveness is not an exercise in excuse-making. A true apology avoids excuse-making. It owns up to the wrong. It fesses up. Excusing-making is forgiveness-evasion. It is putting a band-aid on a broken arm.

Forgiveness isn’t easy. If forgiveness is a form of voluntary suffering, it cannot be easy. No cross is ever easy to pick up. By definition, crosses are heavy. As C.S. Lewis quips, “Everyone thinks forgiveness is a lovely idea until he has something to forgive.” If you really have something to forgive in others, you know how terribly difficult and daunting it can be.

Forgiveness does not mean you approve of what’s done. To forgive is to recognize and argue what has been done isn’t right. You cannot forgive something that is good, true, and right. It isn’t needed. Forgiveness says, “This is wrong. It has harmed me. You did this. I am hurt. I will not hold this against you because Christ did not hold my sin against me.” Forgiveness assumes a true wrong or a mistake has occurred.

Forgiveness doesn’t reclassify sins as mistakes. There is a difference between a sin and a mistake. Getting a math problem wrong isn’t a sin. Getting the speed limit wrong isn’t sin. Failing to give the correct dosage of medicine to a sick child is not a sin. It is a mistake and lapse of judgment. Yet, if someone is attempting to reclassify a sin as a mistake to alleviate a guilty conscience or make the offense seem lighter, they’re committing more sin by failing to agree with, love, and uphold the truth of reality.

Forgiveness isn’t contingent upon an apology. You can extend forgiveness without someone offering an apology or even a correct apology. The basis for forgiveness is God in Christ forgiving you. An apology is icing on the cake. Albeit, it certainly makes forgiving much easier. Sometimes, you must resign yourself to getting a proper apology later down the road or even in Heaven when sin and human finitude are resolved.

Forgiveness is more than an emotion. Yes. It is more than an emotion but it includes emotion, especially with the stakes are high. We are embodied souls who experience reality with the full gamete of human functions. Emotions aren’t bad. Forgiveness is a movement of the will that often evokes deep emotion.

You can forgive even if you haven’t worked through all the emotions regarding the sin or mistake. There can be conflict and tension within your soul regarding a situation and forgiveness still be extended. It may even take a lifetime to work through the offense. If you wait until you feel like forgiving or until you have fully processed all the emotions, you will never forgive.

To forgive is not to side with the offender against the offended. When we forgive, we realize that we are the offender when it comes to our sin against God. We are agreeing with God about ourselves and the goodness and rightness of His call to forgive. We are siding with the Lord above all. We are siding against bitterness and revenge. We are siding with the truth.

Forgiveness is not based upon the other person accepting the act. The person may truly think they have done no wrong even if you know it as such deep in your bones. You’re called to forgive and pray for them. God will handle conviction and accountability. Matthew 5:23-24 makes it clear that if someone else has something against you, you go and make it right. It isn’t necessarily the case that the offender agrees he or she has offended.