Austin's Blog

Grief is a journey that touches every part of our being. It digs deep into our hearts, creating an empty space that can feel like a bottomless pit. As Henry Nouwen describes, “There is a deep hole in your being, like an abyss. You will never succeed in filling that hole, because your needs are inexhaustible.” This emptiness can feel overwhelming, and our natural response may be to either flee from the pain or let it consume us entirely. We may become entirely consumed by it or attempt to pretend like it does not exist. Both of these extremes, however, prevent us from healing in a healthy way.

Becoming engulfed in grief is one of the dangers we face. If we allow our sorrow to become our identity, it can paralyze us, slaying our appetite for life. The world around us begins to shrink as grief becomes the defining feature of our existence. On the other hand, some of us might try to escape the pain, distracting ourselves with endless activity or burying our emotions under layers of avoidance. But, as Nouwen wisely points out, “Since the hole is so enormous and your anguish so deep, you will always be tempted to flee from it.” Yet, ignoring grief doesn’t make it go away—it only resurfaces later, often at unexpected times. Pain unaddressed will still seek its moment to be felt.

J.R. Miller emphasizes that there is no “getting over” grief in the sense of leaping past it or thrusting it into oblivion. He writes, “No one ever does that, at least no nature which can be touched by the feeling of grief at all.” We don’t sidestep our sorrow; we pass through it. Like the Israelites crossing the Red Sea, we walk through the ocean of grief, step by step, even though the waves threaten to swallow us. Miller explains that it is through faith, humility, and perseverance that “its very waves of misery will divide and become to us a wall on the right side and on the left.” In time, as we continue forward, the grief becomes a part of our journey, not an insurmountable force that drowns us.

To find a healthy balance, we must allow ourselves to feel the pain without being consumed by it. We must confront our grief, acknowledging its presence and the deep wound it has caused, while still holding onto the hope that we can heal. Healing doesn’t mean forgetting or moving on as if the loss never happened—it means learning to live with the ache in a way that honors the loss but doesn’t overshadow the rest of our lives.

Grief is not a process we can control or rush. The only way through is, as Miller says, “solemnly, slowly, with humility and faith.” As we walk through this painful process, we can trust that God will guide us, allowing the waves of sorrow to become walls of protection as we make our way to the other side. The grief doesn’t disappear, but we learn to live with it, allowing it to shape us rather than destroy us.