Austin's Blog

The first verse that I quoted after Gabriel died was Job 1:21. “The Lord gave and the Lord has taken away; blessed be the name of the Lord.” I have quoted it often in my head when I’ve struggled with grief and sorrow. I think this has been used by God to help me with the pain and disappointment of it all. Why? First, this verse teaches everything we have is a gift. He is the source of our blessings. As such, the Lord has a divine right to do as He wills with His gifts. Eric Ortlund writes, “God is not to be faulted when he takes back what was his gift in the first place.”

Second, I’ve been convicted and encouraged to love God for God’s sake and not any other reason. This has been the most difficult aspect of it all—the sneaking suspicion that my love for God was conditioned by what He gives and provides. Do I love God for God’s sake or for what He gives? What is the problem with loving God for other reasons than Himself? We will hate Him when the blessings are removed. Thomas Merton powerfully expressed exactly this issue when he wrote that “If we love God for something less than himself, we cherish a desire that can fail us. We run the risk of hating Him if we do not get what we hope for.” Furthermore, we are quibbling over the issue of time. We will “lose it all” in the end when we die. Eric Ortlund notes, “Our relationship with God must be greater than the secondary blessings he gives us, because it is a matter of time until we lose every secondary blessing when we die.”

I think God desires us to get to the point where we simply love Him because He is beautiful, sufficient, and holy. Ortlund again says, “After all, the only kind of relationship with God that will save us is one where he is loved for who he is, for his own sake, irrespective of what secondary, earthly blessings we gain or lose because of our relationship with him.” I’ve said for years that it is wrong to treat God as a cosmic vending machine. Am I now upset that the machine has taken my money and left me without? Why do I love God? What is down at the bottom of the wellspring of my life? Job 1 has brought about these questions. 

Third, there is great beauty in praising the Lord during loss. The confession, “You are God, I am not” testifies to the magnitude of His goodness, grace, and glory. “God is able to communicate to you his all-surpassing sufficiency in a whole new way when you affirm his infinite worth not just in times of blessing, but in times of terrible loss as well. You receive the affirmation of your faith when, like Job, you bless God regardless of what he takes from you.” So I will keep repeating Job’s confession: “The Lord gave and the Lord has taken away; blessed be the name of the Lord.” Join me, friends and fellow grievers.