Austin's Blog

I recently purchased a book on Kindle entitled Caring for the Souls of Children: A Biblical Counselor’s Manual. I bought the book for one reason. It included an article by Bob Kellemen on helping children through grief. Siblings are often the forgotten grievers because the focus stays on the parents. But children grieve too. They grieve differently than adults, but they grieve nevertheless. Their grief is often less apparent and changes as they get older. Kids will grieve at age seven in a distinct fashion compared to how they grieve at age fourteen.

What advice does Robert Kellemen give parents? He offers three phrases.

First, he says, “It is helpful to prepare.” He encourages parents to pray before they communicate a death to their children. We ought to pray as we seek to minister to them. He also admonishes parents to communicate before attending the funeral or wake services. Children need to know what to expect before they walk into such a strange and off-putting situation.

Second, he says, “It’s normal to feel.” He encourages parents to allow their children to lament. They don’t need to “keep it together” or be told, “Don’t cry because you will see them again one day.” We should give our children permission to grieve. One of the best ways to do this is to normalize grieving ourselves with them, as much as is appropriate. Oftentimes, parents will hide their grief, which in turn causes children to think grieving or mourning is wrong. Mourn with your children as they grieve. If they open up about their sadness and cry, enter into that space with them. Finally, Dr. Kellemen reminds parents that children’s actions often express their emotions. Their actions are quicker than their understanding. What is their behavior telling us at this moment?

Third, he says, “It’s possible to hope.” Parents are encouraged not only to grieve with their children but also to hope with them. While we want to avoid putting a band-aid on the broken leg of grief, we should regularly remind our kids of the great truths of the gospel, the hope of Heaven, the enduring reality of the resurrection, and what King Jesus will one day do to fix everything in the end. We should teach kids big truths that they can cling to and grow into as they walk through this dark world. He exhorts parents to model what it looks like to cling to Christ, bathe our kiddos in the Bible, relate God’s story to their story, and remind them of the end of the story.