Austin's Blog

Today would’ve been Gabriel’s fourth birthday. It is hard not to think of what would’ve been had a snowball of human error not cascaded into an avalanche of catastrophic loss. There are a host of things that we deeply miss today. We miss how he loved to play with his older sister. We miss how he enjoyed pulling on his momma’s hair. We miss all the trusting and loving cuddles and snuggles. We miss the sweet voice uttering “Mama, Pop Pop, ball, go, and Dada” that were becoming so common. We miss watching him muster up the courage and skill to begin walking (he was so close!). We miss the infectious and glad giggles or his clapping for himself when he did something and we all cheered. We miss his beautiful blue eyes, chubby cheeks, and perfect blonde, curly hair. We simply miss him.

But I can be grateful still. He never had to be and yet he was and is! We will forever be Gabriel Austin’s parents. Moreover, sweet Gabe is now rejoicing in the presence of the Lord Jesus. One old writer said, “Is there not deep cause for gratitude? Your child, through the Lord Jesus Christ, has won the victory without having ever drawn the sword, has put on the crown although he has never borne the cross. Is it not a mark of peculiar grace and a special fruit of the Savior’s atoning work that your little one has reached such blessedness so easily and so soon?” I can be sad and grieve the loss but also recognize that my sweet boy got to skip all the hard stuff before entering the true, abiding, and ending bliss of life in God’s presence. I’m grateful and I have not been wronged by the Lord in this area.

Today, grief and gratitude sit side by side and neither cancels the other. We miss our Gabey baby with every fiber of our being. Yet we rest in the goodness of the God who called him by name and brought him Home. We rest in the truth that “…He who takes him into His arms knows what it is for [us] to let him out of [our] arms.” We rest in the truth that sweet Gabe fulfilled His purpose in his little life. We rest in the knowledge that the longest chapter with Gabarooney will be in our future, not our past. We rest in the promise that in just a little while Jesus “…will wipe away every tear from our eyes, and death shall be no more, neither will there be mourning, nor crying, nor pain anymore, for the former things will pass away.” And until the Day when sorrow is finally undone and every sad thing becomes untrue, we will remember our sweet boy with love, honor his life with truth, and entrust our hearts again to the Lord who does all things well, even when they hurt beyond words.