Austin's Blog

I was reading a book on child loss, and the author expressed something I’ve thought about from time to time. As she described the last few moments of her child’s transition, she said, “I wouldn’t be there to meet him. And I couldn’t go with him. I so desperately didn’t want him to feel alone.” In this life east of Eden, there is a “natural” order: parents are supposed to die before their children. Yet, when a child dies, all of this is shattered and broken. You know it isn’t right. It is supposed to be me. I’m supposed to receive them as they arrive, not say goodbye as they go.

Because my child died before me, I’ve often thought, I wasn’t there. Who received him into Heaven? The reality is that Jesus is the one who guides us into Heaven at the end. Erwin Lutzer writes, “Death is not the end of the road; it is only a bend in the road. The road winds only through those paths through which Christ Himself has gone. This Travel Agent does not expect us to discover the trail for ourselves. Often, we say that Christ will meet us on the other side. That is true, of course, but misleading. Let us never forget that He walks with us on this side of the curtain and then guides us through the opening. We will meet Him there, because we have met Him here.” He holds the keys to death (Rev. 1:18) and remains present with His people until their earthly end and the rising morning of their Forever (Matt. 28:20).

This truth resonates with me deeply. I can vividly recall feeling and experiencing the presence of Jesus Christ in the room with us, even in Gabriel’s final moments. Don’t misunderstand me—it was not a joyful moment. It was the most crushing moment we’ve ever endured. Yet it felt as if Jesus Christ was standing behind us, present in the room. We knew and understood—though it hurt so deeply—that we were passing our son to the One who somehow loved him even more than we did.

His best day was our worst day, but Christ was in the boat with us. Lutzer reminds us again: “The day of our death is the day of our glorification. Death is the grand entrance, the door that swings into eternity. Eventually, it will open in God’s time and in God’s way to let another child come home where he or she belongs.” Gabriel’s ship had made it home to the harbor, captained ashore by Jesus Christ. Who else might have received our precious boy? Perhaps my dad, my grandmothers, my old mentor, Valerie’s grandmom, dear friends who have passed on, church members, and others who went ahead of us met him there too. One day, he will receive us. What a glorious day that will be!