Austin's Blog

A day and a half after Gabriel died, I did one of the most difficult things I’ve ever done. I walked into church. I remember vividly getting there late and everyone was already inside except one sweet couple in the foyer. I remember breaking down and saying, “I can’t” but then doing it anyway. I’m glad we did. Our family was already there. Our whole church was already there. We all lamented together. We wept together. We grieved together. We heard the sermon on Job 1-2 together. Little old ladies, teenagers, and men as strong as oxen hugged me with tears staining their clothes. We worshipped together.

I can testify that church is very difficult for the bereaved. Even to this day there are mornings I simply don’t want to go and I have never felt that way until my son went to Heaven. Why go? “Because your love is better than life, my lips will glorify you. (Psa. 63:3)” Worshipping in the midst of grief showcases to the world the deep and holy reality that God and God alone is worthy of all majesty, honor, glory, and might. He is worth the pain, the tears, and the heartache.

Our worship is a sacrifice of praise and demonstrates to the watching world that our faith is not circumstantial but based upon the resurrected Christ. As a fellow bereaved mom, Kim Nolywaika, writes, “Your very presence demonstrates that God is good and worth the hard work of being in public when your heart is demolished. Your praises make it evident to the powers of darkness that we worship God because of Who He is, not because of what He gives us or from what He spares us.”

This isn’t an exercise in highlighting how amazing or strong you can be. This is an opportunity to point to the strength that only God can provide. Again, Kim says, “Unbelievers, new believers, and the angels themselves need to see us worship God during the tough times, not as a testimony of our “strength”, but as a testimony of God’s goodness, worth and majesty.” Why persevere with the Church? Where else can we go, Lord? You have the words of eternal life.