Austin's Blog

They say, “You need to have an attitude of gratitude.” Such a slogan often feels hollow in light of profound grief. One thing I have found to help experience and will gratitude is to talk back to my own soul. By rehearsing and listing the manifold reasons for gratitude, God works gratitude in my heart. What are some things I can be grateful for despite the death of my loved one?

I can be grateful they lived in this space and time with me. Acts 17:26 says, “And [God] made from one man every nation of mankind to live on all the face of the earth, having determined allotted periods and the boundaries of their dwelling place.” It is no accident, fluke, or seeming small thing that those we loved were with us. God determined that. I am grateful for that. I could imagine a world where those we loved were loved by someone else on the other side of the globe. They were mine to love and grieve from God in this particular space and time.

I can be grateful that the Lord draws near to the brokenhearted. Countless grieving people have testified to the fact that God has been faithful and near during their deepest trial. With the Psalmist we confess, “But for me it is good to be near God; I have made the Lord God my refuge, that I may tell of all your works (Psa. 73:28).”

I can be grateful for the people God has used to help and encourage me. It wasn’t the people I would have expected but the Lord raised up others to encourage me in my grief. For those grieving, the Lord often meets their needs through the love of others. There are burden-bearers who have been as angels of God to us.

I can be grateful that sorrow has sharpened my hope for eternity. The early church longed for, awaited, and deeply desired the Second Coming of Christ (Phil. 3:20-21; 1 Cor. 1:4-7; Heb. 9:27-28; 2 Tim. 4:7-8; Titus 2:11-14; 2 Pet. 3:11-13). I join their longings and voices now in a greater way as I often cry, “Our Lord, come!” Focusing on Heaven can surely create a deep sense of gratitude and put our grief in the right light. Randy Alcorn writes, “By meditating on Heaven and learning to look forward to it, we don’t eliminate our pain, but we can alleviate it and put it in perspective. We’re reminded that suffering and death are only temporary conditions.”

I can be grateful for the love I still have for them. Jamie Anderson writes, “Grief, I’ve learned, is really just love. It’s all the love you want to give, but cannot. All that unspent love gathers up in the corners of your eyes, the lump in your throat, and in that hollow part of your chest. Grief is just love with no place to go.” Grief is the price of love and the outer edges of its boundary. The depth of your pain reveals the depth of your blessing.

I can be grateful that the person I lost forever changed me. I am not the same person I was before their passing. Their worth, value, dignity, and all that they were and are have left a profound mark on the contours of my soul. Losing someone so dear often sanitizes your soul and makes you more empathetic and safer for fellow grievers. I would never choose this schooling but I certainly don’t want to waste the education in sorrow.

I can be grateful that the empty chair isn’t the whole story. The longest chapter with my son is in my future, not my past. Augustine says, “We have not lost our dear ones who have departed from this life, but have merely sent them ahead of us, so we also shall depart and shall come to that life where they will be more than ever dear as they will be better known to us, and where we shall love them without fear of parting.”

I can be grateful that God has sustained me. No, God does not help those who help themselves. He does not call us to pull ourselves up by our own bootstraps. He sustains. John Piper encourages us that, “It is utterly crucial that in our darkness we affirm the wise, strong hand of God to hold us, even when we have no strength to hold him.” He truly does hold us and I am grateful for it! The ongoing grace to breathe, to stand, to wake up another day is itself a reason for gratitude.

I can be grateful for all the good that has happened since the death of my loved one. Nothing is wasted. God is weaving a grand story and a lot of spiritual and earthly good has happened because of and considering the heavenly homecoming of my precious baby boy. I can rejoice over that.

I can be grateful for the good news of Jesus Christ. “His oath, His covenant, His blood, Support me in the whelming flood; When all around my soul gives way, He then is all my hope and stay.” It is true that Christ is the only solid rock, not only for grievers but all people in need of salvation. That’s all of us, folks.